How Facing Suppressed Emotions Helped Me Overcome Anxiety (Shadow Work Story)

Late Night Realization

So here I am late at night and it just struck me, I thought what am i going to do with myself and it hit me.

I need to share my story about my struggles with emotions and how to come across a solution for this problem of mine.

All the stuff I went through actually led me to a practice called shadow work.

For this story to be told I have to go back years into my past all the way to my childhood.

Growing Up in Chaos

I grew up in a household with an extremely alcoholic father.

He made life very unpredictable and chaotic, you were always on edge knowing and waiting he could snap at any time.

For some reason or another growing up in these types of homes the kids seemed to naturally learn to suppress their emotions.

I was no different.

I learned to suppress everything I felt as if it was some kind of weakness.

I felt that I had those emotions in the first place.

I suppressed all that I felt and eventually I became numb and kind of cold in spirit.

The Effects of Suppressed Emotions

And I lived this way growing up all through my childhood up until I graduated in 2000.

I didn't realize it at the time but suppressing your emotion eventually led to them showing up to the surface at unexpected times.

Like flashes of outburst of anger or feeling anxiety for no reason at all it seemed.

But I wasn't conscious of why I was feeling angry or anxious.

It confused me dearly because I didn't know where those sensations were coming from.

Hitting a Breaking Point

But it hit me in the year 2001 when I was 19 and just graduated.

I moved away from my parents and was on my own for a while.

After years of feeling anxiety in a lot of situations and having social anxiety especially, I seemed to have reached a breaking point.

I was breaking down mentally and was even hospitalized for it.

Yeah I had enough of being tossed around by this infliction I felt.

I had had enough that it even motivated me to do something about it but I was lost not knowing what could be done.

Searching for Answers

I began soul searching going from doctors and trying out the pills they suggested.

I went to different churches thinking it might be a religious thing I needed.

Eventually the doctors and the religions led me to no satisfying answers for me.

The Moment Everything Clicked

Then one night I was at my uncle's place and for some reason just like out of the blue my answer came to me.

Actually it was my intuition that provided me the answers.

Intuitively I realized and remembered my childhood and all the suppressed emotions I buried within me.

Discovering the Root Cause

Somehow I thought that the reasons for all my anxiety and problems were related to those buried emotions and that somehow true peace was on the other side of that.

Remember my past was key.

I did remember all the times I was hurt because of my dads drinking and remembering this made it easy to make the connection to what emotion was tied to that memory.

Facing and Releasing Emotions

This made it easier to bring up that emotion that was buried in my energy field or aura as some would say.

Once I remember the emotion I could then identify the type of emotion it was and release it.

If it was anger I would allow myself to experience that anger for the first time instead of suppressing it and validating it.

• experience that anger
• stop suppressing it
• validate it

All the things I needed and couldn't do as a child.

Processing Emotions Safely

After I felt the anger was processed through me I would release it.

I just had to be careful to realise this anger in a controlled and positive way though so i would not get myself into trouble.

Beginning the Shadow Work Journey

This connection and realization set me out on a journey to discover who I really was and it sparked a hunger in me to get to the bottom of it all.

That was the day I made a conscious decision to start “shadow work”.

What Shadow Work Meant to Me

I didn't know what shadow work was at the time but to me shadow work was exploring the deeply suppressed emotions within myself to bring to the surface to be finally expressed once and for all.

For me shadow work seemed to be easy and natural.

I just had to remember my past and all the times I was hurt and to bring those pain to the surface to finally see light and express myself.

The Stigma Around Men and Emotions

There were some barriers to shadow work especially as a guy and how the world views a man who is in touch with his emotions.

I grew up in a time where there was a stigma to men and their emotions as if it was a weakness for men to express his true emotions.

For guys it was expected that you carry on in life without getting in touch with your emotional side because back then that was considered a weakness or “wimp” to have such emotions.

• men were expected to carry on
• showing emotion was seen as weakness
• being in touch with feelings was treated like being a “wimp”

Going Against the Grain

So i had to go against the grain and that thought that it was weak to express my emotions.

But by the time I had my mental breakdowns and all the anxiety I felt I simply didn't give a shit what society thought.

Excuse my language there but I feel passionately about this and the idea of what society thinks about men and emotions.

What I Believe Now

Why?

Because I've learned and realised that this is what I believe now.

I believe that all suppressed emotions and feelings are the root cause of most of the diseases and inflictions in our world .

I can't prove this scientifically but I do believe there are more and more studies that are supporting this.

A Call to Change

Yes I said things like mental disorders and mental illness are mainly due to suppressed emotions from our past.

• mental disorders
• mental illness
• suppressed emotions from our past

So wouldn't it be in our best interests to express our emotions freely without stigma hint hint men .

A Better World Through Emotional Awareness

I think it would radically improve our world if we were not just men who were more in touch with our emotions.

We could reduce the stress and tensions of addictive behaviors and all mental disorders.

Yes this would be in our best interests .

Final Thoughts and Reflection

So what I advocate is for more and more people to entertain the idea of shadow work and to begin practicing it in their own lives.

That's what I would like to see.

That was the decision I made and I've been released from the shackles of depression and anxiety immensely.

It's been 20 plus years now forward since I made that decision to do shadow work and the peace I have obtained from releasing those deep wounds is priceless.